Why his birth is my miracle...

They call it secondary infertility. You have the first baby, or even your second in my case and you think, Awesome, I'm pretty good at this; We should have like a million kids. While you are going on with life and dreaming of that big family your body is going nutty on ya. Then your youngest turns 1 ½ and you start trying for another.

Nothing happens.

I went to my doctor, who sent me to an Ob/Gyn there were tests, drugs, shots. I tried acupuncture, supplements, herbs and vitamins and read about a million books. I lost weight...60 pounds even. I even went gluten free.

Nothing.

For SIX YEARS.

Six Years, it gets long. Especially when everyone around you seems to be pregnant. Late 20's early 30's these days is the time to have babies. Everyone and I mean EVERYONE seems to be pregnant. You try...you really do try to be happy for them. Then the “worst”happens and they have that baby. The pictures and news about the baby just about kill you. You long to have that hot baby breath on your neck, to listen to those grunts and groans again and just to be part of that miracle again.

Then there is the horrible guilt. I have a few friends who would give anything to have just one child. I felt like a glutton because I already have twi perfect, healthy, wonderful girls.

After awhile you just give up. I think we gave up in year 5. We decided that God gave us 2 and maybe thats all he wanted us to have. I tried REALLY hard to be okay with that. We would be 42 and 45 when our kiddos left the nest and we could have all kinds of adventurers we never got to have.

But the longing never went away....

I still wanted him and I could feel his tiny little spirit out there or maybe I just went crazy...

When my father in law passed away in June of 2011, I hoped he would ask God for that tiny blue

bundle for us.

When those two lines showed up last April I looked at the test 100 times. It couldn’t be real. These things always turn out negative. After showing Daniel and making sure I wasnt seeing things my heart sang. So to all of you out there thinking it can never happen...

look at his face...

it can!

Babies Dont Keep

 

I've been a little bit O.C.D over capturing and trying to preserve every minute of his babyhood. It all goes to fast. I sit in this rocking chair, which is filled with late afternoon sun. He is asleep, his head resting on my chest, my cheek resting on his head. Him sighing every so often in his sleep and his big grunts make me smile. I breathe in the smell of warm milk that is nestled in his neck and the Mustela lotion I just put on him.

After awhile, my eyes land on the ginormously full laundry basket and the utter chaos that the living room has turned into since his birth. I should do something, anything. But there is just something lately that is telling me to slow down. Not only with him but with all of them.

And I'm reminded of the old poem

 

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,But children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

 

I cant believe how much he has changed in just 4 short weeks. Everyday you see more of a person. The time with a newborn is fleeting. It goes much to fast. 

So, I stare, kiss, hold, sing, snuggle, and love that much harder and that much deeper.

This time, I know how fast it goes.

1 Month

Thatcher Nicholas

Pinch me, because I think I'm dreaming.

He is here.

Thatcher Nicholas was born last night December 10th

at 9:42 pm.

He weighed in at a perfect 7lbs 12.8 oz and was 20 inches long

 

So, the whole story...

On the 3rd (I believe) I had a doctors appointment.

We talked about baby size and how big I felt he might be. We also discussed a possible induction for the next week I was sort of uncomfortable with that as now, the hospital makes you do a amnio to determine lung development. It felt way over the top and very invasive to me. So, I told my doctor I'd like to get another weight estimate via ultra sound before we made any decisions the following week.

 

About and hour later Daniel and I headed over for the ultrasound. They were guessing him at 8lbs 3 oz if I remember right. Its amazing how fast your can forget little details like that. That weight estimate sort of put me into panic mode as I really did not want a repeat of Paytin's birth. Even with that I was still very against the idea of an amnio.

 

A few days latter I had a non stress test and at the end of it the nurse tells me Admir  (my doctor)

had to told her to tell me to make sure I made it to my appointment on the 9th, we had to talk.

On the 9th Daniel and I went to my appointment

Admir starts out with well I've talked with some other OB's

about what they would do and they are all in agreement with what Im thinking. After looking at your last ultrasound his head and feamer are  measuring 37 weeks but his tummy is measuring 40.

What that generally means was going to have wide shoulders and that's what I have problems with.

He said it was completely up to us but to be safe he would really like to see me deliver the next day.

He checked to see if I made anymore progress but I was still at a 4.

He left Daniel and I to discuss the options for a bit.

I left a lot of it up to Daniel. At that point I was so confused I didn't think I could make a rational decision.  Daniel felt like risking the both of us was worse than the amnio and I have to say I agreed even though I really didn't want to.

When Admir came back we told him to go ahead and scheadule us for the next moring at 8 for the amnio.

After my appointment we went and got groceries for the house. I didn't want to have to think about running to the store at all once we got home. The ride home was full of calls and making plans.

When we got home and told the girls they were so excited. We picked up the house so it would be sure to be guest ready for when we got home. Then we all settled in a watch Hitch. I think that's the name of the movie. The one with Will Smith...

 

When morning came we dropped the girls off with my parents and headed for the city

On the way we stopped at Subway and got breakfast. This wasn't my first rodeo and there was no way in hell this girl was going all day without eating when they probably wouldn't even get things started till way latter in the day.

I must have been quit cause Daniel kept asking me why I wasn't excited. I was excited but I really don't think the realization of the fact that after such a long time we were finally getting our baby.

 

We got to St Lukes right at 8 am. They put us in my favorite observation room I had while doing non stress tests. We were checked in by an admitting nurse that seemed to have a crush on my doctor.

When she saw who my doctor was she was all

"oh don't you think he smells sooooo good"

I was like well yes, I guess he does.

Hadnt really thought about it before.

and

she was all

"I made some of the nurses here find out what he wears"

Oh, my LOL.

 

After a bit I got my first nurse of the day, whom I LOVED.  She had just the right sense of humor and calmed my nurves about the amnio. As much as they could be calmed anyway. She got me a gown and we were in business. After a bit my doctor showed up. Then the doctor who was doing the amnio. My doctor didn't do it as he is not an OB. The a whole crowd of nurses. Fun times. I was seriously panicking at this point. I mean a needle going through all of that just doesn't sound like a good thing. They kept telling me everyone works themselves up way more than what the pain actually is.

The ultrasound techs found a pocket of fluid and we were ready. Well, they were ready I was not.

Count down from three. 3, 2, 1 and you know what?! I didn't feel a thing. Nothing more then a shot. Really less.

Ok, that wasn't so bad....

 

Results in an hour they said. While we waited we watched TV and talked though I don't really remember about what. Around 10 a.m. they came back with the results that his lungs were mature and we could proceed with induction. 

 

Awhile latter we got to our birthing suite. We didn't get room 2 this time though. We had hoped to get that room as both the girls were born in that room. We got room # 4 were we proceeded to wait and wait some more until around 12:30 when they broke my water and started Pitocin. I made it till around 2:30 before I had my epidural. Up until this one I thought epidurals were a gift from God. However, if I ever find the anesthesiologist who gave me this one Id still kick him and hard. He seemed to be in a big hurry and pushed so hard that I cried. Never had an epidural hurt so bad and work so crappy. While I never felt any pain I could however feel my catheter and at that point only mild pressure. Nothing very eventful took place after that. I tried to sleep but I couldn't. Around 3:30 I was a 6, around 6 p.m. I was an 8 and about 9 pm I was finally a 9. Around 8 however is were my epidural really started to show it sucky colors and all I could feel was intense pressure almost all the time as my contractions were so close together. We waited for my contactions to do all the work and bring him all the way down.

 

Around  9:35 they called Amir in and we got ready to push. Three pushes latter out came Thatcher quick fast and in a hurry at 9:42 p.m.

Love at first sight

and you know what my first  bonkers thought was,

 I want to do that again. 

I wanted to make another baby, like, immediately.  The miracle of life is so big, and the rush of love is so potent, I cant help it I'm hooked.

Daddy is hooked to cause about 5 minutes later he said the same thing.

.

I couldn't wait to get ahold of him. When I did he took to nursing like he had done it before.

 I held him for forever my miracle I prayed for so many years looking right at me with those beautiful slate blue eyes.

Nothing in this word compares to the first time you hold that little baby.

It imprints on your heart you will never forget.

Baby Boy

Well, here we are! All round, happy and excited. Heading to the

doctor today for what I am sure will be one of our last appointments as one.

I am so unbelievably overwhelmed with happiness that you picked me to be your Mom.

I will cherish this time that only I knew you with all my heart.

I wanted you so bad for so long.

You are for sure worth the wait. 

New

3D Ultrasound

Vala's